flash prose - shit i wrote on fb - etal

Neil read me this quote from the book he's reading right now.

"He'd miscast himself in the role of authority figure. A decision made one afternoon fifteen years ago. He had to grow up fast, back then...but he sometimes wondered if he wasn't just pretending. He didn't even know who he'd be without this role. Pete Sebeck was just an idea—a collection of responsibilities with a mailing address" -Daniel Suarez "Daemon" 

Wow! For-fkn-SOOTH! I have felt this often, never quite knowing how to describe it. I would think to myself, I'm somebody's daughter, somebody's sister, somebody's mother, somebody's girlfriend. But WHO AM I, what am I? I'm a shadow person, is finally how I ended up describing it. You know how there's that thing called job shadowing? You follow someone around to learn their job, try it on, so to speak. Well I've often felt like a shadow personality. Though my personalities often came from several different people, not all of whom I've met. Many of them came from literature or film. My sister once noticed, that after reading a book we'd both read wherein the main character clutched at her necklace all the time, that I was doing that. I find myself still doing this, more often with film and television, i find myself emulating one of the characters, difference from when i was younger is that now I do it unabashedly. Because yeah, now I realize that being strictly one ideological being is not necessarily a good thing, all this right here (me) is subject to change at any fuckin moment, new information comes in, i want to be able to ingest and possibly assimilate not automatically reject it. That's what that paragraph means to me. And laws yeah, I have mistakenly miscast myself, many a time