I recently a short chapbook given me by the author, Anne Willensky. She gave it to me along with two other books. One of which I've read, and liked, but this particular book, called "Pulled Over By the Cops", really wove it's way into my heart and made it feel all glowing and happy and even a little bittersweet.
It was a Thursday night, when she gave it to me. I had walked over to the Hotel Congress as I usually do on a Thursday night, to see Salvador Duran perform on the patio. I was sitting as I often do with my pal, Joseph Black Coyote when I saw my friend, Flora coming in with a few other people. It was her birthday celebration - I had forgotten. I didn't tell her that though because I am always forgetting Flora's events like her art shows and things like that. So I didn't feel like letting on I'd forgotten something as special as her birthday.
Anne came soon after, she is an older woman with a big smile and fairly loud speaking voice. She reminded me of an eccentric, dishevelled bag lady you'd find in a coffee shop in the bay area or some big city like that. I realize maybe that sounds rude. But when I say bag lady, I don't mean offense. I think their are perhaps all sorts of bag ladies. I suppose I am thinking of the kind of woman one might see scribbling passionately at a coffee shop or feeding pigeons at the park while reciting them poetry. In fact I don't think, Anne, had many bags about her that night, but something about her gave me the impression that she would be right at home in my bag lady vision. She reminded me of Julia Vinograd, the poet from Berkeley. Only I remember, Julia as very quiet. She always seemed surprised that I knew who she was. I thought of her as a celebrity, having seen her poetry on the bus and in bookstores and so I treated her like a bit of a hero.
So I remember when Flora introduced me to Anne, she smiled big and kept rubbing my back as she greeted everyone. It annoyed me, I kept thinking to myself, "Why is this woman touching me?" But I decided not to pull away, I think I do that a lot lately. Pull away from people touching me. I also think for some reason, I inspire people to want to touch me. I used to like it, I was like a little sister or small bird that need care taking. Now, it irritates me. I am loathe to trust people, anymore, who want to take care of me. Anyway, I remember being annoyed and wanting to pull away but Anne's smile was so big and cheerful that I couldn't bring myself to possibly offend her. She gave Flora a gift. I pulled out my jewelry knapsack [I luckily often have it with me.] and told Flora she should pick a pair of earrings for her birthday present. I think that is when Anne offered me her books. "Do you like to read?" she she asked and gave me two that she'd written and one of stories that her father had written for her on his rides on the subway home from work. He would write them down and read them to her when he got home.
Flora was deliberating over my earrings. Anne commented how lovely they were and did I make them. yes, I said. She said she wished she'd brought her money. I thought perhaps I should offer her a pair. In exchange for the books. But I didn't. I'm not sure, why. I guess I felt poor and only had a handful made. Heck I still only have a handful made.
There were a few more moments of her rubbing my back or arm throughout the evening and my feeling slightly annoyed but pretending not to be. And I admit the annoyance did mostly subside as the night wore on. In fact I didn't really remember the annoyance, til I read, "Pulled Over by the Cops".
Anne's book was the perfect thing for me to read right then. Having, been feeling, of late, rather negative. It was simply written. Full of positive cheerful thoughts about learning to drive again, taking the bus. Observing people and yes, even being pulled over by the cops. To her credit not everything was overly cheerful. Such wanton honesty in both compassion and irritation, on the part of Anne, was really refreshing to read. She didn't seem to mind just saying whatever she was feeling no matter how it might sound. It was when the story came to Anne's day in court that I was reminded of being annoyed., when we first met on Flora's birthday.
In the book, Anne was getting nervous abut going before the judge and what she would say and if she'd be able to avoid paying one or both of the tickets. "The evening before", she writes that her higher power told her "Anne, the outcome doesn't matter, whether you have to pay or not doesn't matter. It is a great opportunity for you to go there and send love to everyone. You can bless the court by sending love to everyone. That is all you to do and that is all that matters."
I got so choked up reading that, and more so later when she relayed her fearful but determination to do just that the next day while sitting in court trying so hard not to hate the ticketing officer. My eyes filled with tears as I remembered her soft calm touch on my neck and back. She was just trying to send me love and there I was just being annoyed about it. I stopped reading for a beat and sent her smiles and appreciation and love, right on back. I didn't think consciously that I was doing that but I realize now that I was. I I was thinking about her soft touch, her big cheerful smile and just loving her back much like I'm doing right now. But this time it's deliberate. She taught me, reminded me that kindness and tenderness are a healing and wonderful thing. I don't have to automatically recoil or distrust simply because a person is a stranger to me. I have, I think, since I met her tried harder to appreciate people, to think as compassionately and lovingly as possible including and especially concerning people who I might normally want to despise. Just as Anne did with that police officer. And even though I don't always succeed it feels really good and gets easier and easier when I do. I will keep Anne's message close as I go about the world and hope others will read her book and appreciate it as much as I did and do the same. Thank you, Annie, I love you too.
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