dear mercury coloring contest Category: Writing and Poetry
I wrote this to send to the Portland Mercury [a weekly paper] as a literary addition to my submission for the 2006 Easter Cover Coloring Contest, unfortunately, I missed the deadline.

5 April, 2006
To whom it may concern:
The following is my plea for consideration of the grand prize offered for the undertaking of painting the Portland Mercury cover.
Whilst I do not consider myself a better artist than anyone else who considers them self an artist, and am even aware that my skill level leaves much to be desired, I was nevertheless inclined to try my hand at the undertaking suggested by the Mercury.
However, having exhausted much of my resources and nigh even death's blistering door in my quest to acquire a mere droplet of the sacrificial blood of our dear lord Jesus Christ. Chased through the seediest and darkest underbelly of Paris by a crazed self-flagellating albino, I decided that I would relent, and that perhaps that gilded canister I sought really was naught but an even further enigma, rather than the sacred vessel that holds those ever so coveted droplets.
So, I have painted this cover of Portland's Mercury Easter edition using watercolor pencils, a dab of oil paint and an iota of my own precious menstrual fluids, which I took the pains to have christened by a blathering, maniacal, nomadic holy man of sorts, whom I met on the Max train as I left my day job at Border's bookstore, I was exhausted from the rote activity of scanning and button punching, my hands soiled with the soot of cash that has probably seen more of this dear land than I. And so this holy man of sorts who offered me his seat offered me his services and an ear to hear my woes. He also later conned me out of $200, that I was saving to get my offspring much needed braces, which he used to buy heroin from another holy man of sorts just up the tracks, and I now fear my boy will never be able to walk a straight line, which, if he is anything like his father is an endeavor that will be requested him quite often.
Sincerely,
A. Pilar Mogollon!&#! N.E. Somewhere StPortland, OR ($&--